Currently my life revolves around a Pain Log. Yes, it is as horrible as it sounds. I found myself writing down how many advil I take a day, what oils I apply, what appointments I had, how much I worked (if I even made it to work that day), what my pain level is that day, what helps, what doesn't, what activities I did that day, and how much helped I needed. Not your traditional journal I know. But my physical therapists recommended I keep a log so I know how long and what level the pain is at and to keep better track so I can get out of pain and hopefully in the future prevent flare-ups.
A dear sweet friend of mine came over the other night to paint my toenails. (I knew that was a task I didn't want to have to ask Nick to tackle). I was telling her about my pain log and just telling her about how down I felt lately. To which she replied, "No wonder you are depressed, all you do is write down how miserable you feel all day." That really got me thinking:
I truly am blessed. I know the Lord knows what I am going through. Physical pain in this life is only temporary and but for a moment in the big picture. I couldn't be more grateful for the knowledge that I have in that.
I couldn't have a better more loving family. I don't even know where to begin to express this. Nick helps me do every menial task imaginable. I never knew how hard it can be to even bend over the sink to brush my teeth, put on my socks, carry a purse--all of these things he has to help me do now. My mom deserves a crown. She answers her phone when I call her so late (3 hour time difference) just to cry. I really don't call expecting her to say much, but she just listens to my sob on the other end and tells me she loves me. I love my dad's phone calls saying, "Jennifer, I know someone who can fix you up." He is always optimistic, and trying to get it to rub off on me. My sweet Grandma who emails and calls and gives me recommendations on what doctors to see, and again always makes me feel to loved. I am grateful for my brothers and sister, who have all checked on me and let me know I am in their prayers.
Thank goodness for friends. It is your phone calls that get me smiling and laughing, help me forget about myself, and again let me know that I am loved. You all make me know that I will get better, you do my dishes, paint my toenails, send me cute cards, give me words of encouragement, and bring us dinner. With family being so far away, it is nice to have people in my life that watch over you so closely.
My boss has been so understanding. He is always telling me to do whatever I have to do to get better because the office needs me. He has been supportive when I cut back some of my early morning hours, and on days when work just isn't happening we find some one to cover my patients. I do miss work when I am not there. I have such great patients that help to take my mind of me. I love being able to help them and to listen to their trials in life. It puts everything into perspective. If only it didn't hurt so much to get up and down from that chair I sit in!!
Where would any of us be in our trials if it wasn't for the church and Jesus Christ. It is through fasting, prayer, the temple, and priesthood blessings that I know I will over come this. The peace that is brought over me by doing these things calms me more than anything else. I know that I will be led to a doctor that will help me be pain free.
It is for these things that I am so blessed beyond measure. These things bring me the peace and comfort I need....not some pain log that records my daily happenings and the resulting pain. I am hoping to chuck that thing in the garbage soon! I love you all. Thank you for your prayers.